CONSCIOUS EXHAUSTION

I need to wait in a state of expectant readiness. The millstone of sin's redemption is not much - it's almost overwhelming. As if in the beating of my heart, sometimes, another, more secret, darker melody is ready and mingling, which few listen to. Forever startled, my orphan-eye listens at every age, scanning in search of honest-to-goodness romance. The ambrosial medicine of all-filling All-waterfalls. 

Many a time have I visited the bumping slopes of idle bliss. The baroque barge of voiced, silenced glances is a ricochet-like lust- For undivided, One-glances have indeed their magic power and secret keys, With which they open soul-petals in their delicate harmony. 

I cling to the recurring, happier images of my memories, till my prayer fills the superficial complexity of things real and imagined. I wring a cosmic emptiness from myself whenever I must still play honestly and truthfully the greedy but deceitful desire for happiness. 

Often an innate, deceptive emotion can no longer return, its remaining evaporation dissolves into an unbearable present.- I am deliberately inclined to divert my waking attention from an indispensable feeling, just so that it no longer burns my sensitive being like a scarlet stamp and does not cause further suicidal, tyrannical thoughts. 

When I remember that I could bravely test myself, the vital energy of my organisation is suddenly drained and I surrender myself to conscious exhaustion!