NAIVE KNOWLEDGE

I know well: the hypocritical crowd of men with Janus-like mouths and money laughs, but you will understand everything, if I confess to you, as an honest coward, my difficulties of a million words. If you could see that literature has become a great affair of my heart, and the creative consciousness that greedily foams my days in it, you would understand and stroke me again with your swan-hands. 

If you could see how much forced diligence I protect and guard the marbles of my stubborn face from the searching eyes lurking at the end points of my exhaustion, they would already flow into abundant streams, and if, because of you, conscious helplessness were to threaten my secure livelihood - I would go with you, perhaps forever!

For believe me, there is a spiritual pain that my childish vulnerability, my naive, gullible misfortune cannot endure. And even now the muffled voice of many rings in my ears: "Thou hast been a coward and a traitor, and couldst not claim thy rights beyond death!"- The loud, petty preaching of the blue men is often blown into my ears by the vain winds of the still listening ears! 

Thou wouldst understand, and needless if thou liest to thyself: I should have needed thee - in my heart thou wouldst live and breathe even now like a holy heartbeat of the All-meaning Universe! Like a drowning man in a straw of salvation, or a cursed castaway in a sandy harbour-island, I would cling to you, my dear! For thou hast known long since, My weak heart bleeds broken, stigmata-blooded, - The honest word of faithfulness never denied, Had thou accepted me as thy companion on this earth, Thou couldst have changed my hopeless abyss- My life with conviction!