JUST TRULY

Don't believe my clownish smile, which grins at you with a dumb buffoonery, when I would make conversation with you, and at your urging, only miming richly, with a grinning, idiotic, wild face before me, I give you the whole of my being. I would hide my childish vulnerability between the loops of my chubby cheeks - the watchful ember of my attention is now incessantly blazing and illuminating my essence.

The lonely ashes of my orphanhood. I gather in a larger breath the orphaned beating of my heart - inwardly, like a child trembling for its mother, I would crawl into thy cradling lap. My face, wounded with tears by the harness of anguish and sorrow, If none should see: like a shamed man I would bathe my panting, lost soul in thy heavenly face. I would fain, before the altar-moment, we could flee together in valour; I would run to thee, and through the envy of human emotions, not understood.

From a soldier of my lady's soldier to a wrestling heron with Atlas blades - for thee I could be any day. Thirty years later I see my unhappy, yet meaningful life as a wasted one. But if, through the star-giving, blessed glitter of your eyes, through the lark-voice bells of your lark-voice, I feel your giving, treasure-golden heart seeking shelter in the jungle of my shaggy fur-breast.

My honeyed compliments may even now stir your womanly heart. If I but see thy redemption-holding, Edenic gaze gently fluttering the broom-wings of thy wings - My soul's hook is soon caught in a blushing, blushing confusion, I ask, trembling, "Will you stay with me?"

I stand silent in the sneaking, revolving Time, as a witness who would with thought try to bring messages and influence - but also as a former scout and scouting nebbish, who at the word of whip-cracking criticisms would rather flee or turn inward. I often feel that I could voluntarily slip out of the way!