CHASING 24 HOURS

In chasing myself, I got to the point where I was slowly being chased on all sides. A bitter, mournful little boy thus weeps in the self-devouring flame-fire of his own self-devouring plans. What did I, an apostate, unhappy alamusian, wish to achieve, to realize, when even the most stalwart would have been consumed - like rusting millstones - by a legitimate self-doubt, a boyish doubt.

Time has never asked - but with a deliberate impulse it has taken and taken away countless things, opportunities: how much I have lost in twenty years or so! I watched her betray herself as a Janus-faced gambler, and become a consummate lady in the name of pseudo-glory. People! I have not looked back on this sneaking past as some have. Rather as the accounts of my voluntary temptations.

Wanting favors never appealed to me. The bond of friendships thought unbreakable is still mine! The penitent voluntariness of my loneliness, like a ton of weight dragging me down to the abyss, pulled me down and did not let me go. It might be well to trust that my faith, one and only Adam, with its bell-like, bell-like faith, With angelic possession, draws to its beating heart!

For I myself was made aware of it early enough: without the loyalty of a companion, whoever begins to enter into the remaining, harsh laws of Existence - will fail in the end, for he can no longer be a life-sustainer in everything! Only the poetics of an unshakable face can still have a sole footing, which can sustain me, if I so will!

Accusations, cynical hypocritical explanations, can scarcely go lower, can scarcely go higher! Every man now carries in his own golgotha soul his elephant's trunk, the hidden or deliberate mines of his fall. The voluntary fall of broken, unhinged lives, broken careers!