you still haunt my heart

I dreamt of you last night
the bitterness of seeing you again stung
like sault to an opened wound
I was exposed
my truest colors being one with the wind
your truest smile still fresh in my memory

In this nightmare
you still loved me
as I loved you
it scared me
the feeling of having my best friend back

In the beginning
I thought it was real
then realization kicked in
It was merely relived memories
I still miss you sometimes

When I awoken
tears still fresh from emotion
laid upon my face
the melancholy taste still stung my heart
I wanna forget about you again
it hurts to remember
how much you mean to me

I cant help but wonder
if the ghost of our happiness
haunts you too

love heartbreak dailylog log#5 tears depression sadness melancholy ghost memories past haunts wonder lov...

Cant breath

cant breath
its happening again
the ocean goes hightide
my body refuses to move
I sink into oblivion
my tears become
one with the ocean cries

cant breath
the stars take me into the night
lost in the darkness
frozen in space
my tears refuse to leave my eyes
they freeze in the night

unwanted memories rush in

this feeling is suffocating

When the sun goes down

It was clear
but my vision was blurred 
it right in front of me
but to blind to see 
was my eyes in the night 
when the sun goes down

the moon was my light
but the moon wasn't in sight 
not that night 

everyone knows the truth 
monsters only come to play
when the sun goes down 
 
tears fall 
hearts break
smiles fade 
people change 
when the sun goes down
 

Time

if only I could hold you close
If only you would stay
If only time would obey

we fell in love
we where one
time brought us together...
and tour us apart
I just wish I had more time with you...
 

Beautiful

A single rose in a forest of lilies and daffodils
a single beauty in a world of ugly
afraid to show the world its beauty
looking for love in a world full of hate
closing doors in the way of fate
running away from pain
wearing reveling clothing so others love her
a single rose growing with the lilies and daffodils
hidden from the truth
that she is beautiful

stare

something so filled with love and light
terns into the night
dark and hallow
you just stare at the stars waiting for one to shoot you a wish
you stare blankly at me no emotion
emptiness covers your eyes and mouth keeping you
unable to breath, unable to see, unable to speak
the saddest truth is you let it take control
you lost the battle because to you, there never was one
there was never a fight because you gave up in the vary beginning
and now you stare blankly into the night hoping one day a star will shoot you a wish
no star will come, no day will shine, no moon will glow for someone who couldn't even fight for it and now you sit blankly and stare hoping they will fight for you....

Unwanted list

I don't want to be trapped any longer
will I ever be freed from this cage?
will I fly with the heavenly skies?
or will I fall into the dark abyss that waits for me below?
emotions as still as cloud now turn into blades
cutting my wings making me plummet down
to the unwanted list of abandoned children
unable to be better
unable to breath
unable to see or hear
unable to fly once more
will another come to save us or will the blades cut their wings
the angeles are afraid to fall
and so they leave us, the children of abandonment to be stuck
on the unwanted list.

Truth

now I lay my head to sleep
and try to count the sheep
but in my mind I scream and fight
battles and wars keep me occupied
the truth hurts but at least its not a lie
you keep me from being free when you lie to me
you add another chain to the ground and keep me from spreading my wings
you cut my hope into pieces and let it die
you bruise my body and watch me cry
you leave me to die with every lie
why not free me from this world of lies with the truth
why chain me to this prison of dying hope and dying dreams
preventing me from souring free.

sadness follows

me to the happiest of places and steals my smile
she comes on birthdays and holidays
she comes on regular days
I say i'm alone but sadness is there
she's the only thing that hasn't left
she's stubborn
and strong
loneliness is sadness brother and stays the nights and days
he's there when i'm in a crowd full of others
he's there at parties
and at family gatherings
he's there even during the happiest of times
depression is their mother and leads her ducklings to my heart
where they rest and live there days and nights
sadness follows, and her family joins.

Seasons

she's as beautiful as day and as mysterious as night
her feelings change as does her leaves during fall
the changing colors and emotions
a great oak tree now feeling cold by winters embrace with no colorful leaves but instead branches that show her majestic story of pain, sorrow, and love
she's a worrier, a soldier in this battle of life
and then when the war of society and sin is over in spring she dances and rejoices with the winds and rain and sings the song of new begging that yet to come
then finally she joins the sun and the clouds
sharing her life with others during the days of summer
she's a home for creatures big and small
shes a shield of protection
a mother caring for her child
a bride preparing for her wedding day
a slave enjoying freedom at last.

I remember

your smile
your laugh
your hugs
your voice
I remember
our jokes
our time
our moments
and I miss them so much
I miss you

Thank you

For not filling my soul with your lies
For finding the key and unlocking some of the chains that bind me
For sharing your warmth with me in this cold world
For your joy that shined the path to find my truest smile
For shielding me from the arrows and blades with you kindness
For healing some of my bruises with you laugh
And for showing a bird how to finally fly, even with broken wings.

Another time

I wished for happiness once
I wished for the truth
for love
and for freedom
and I've sang the songs of sadness to the stars
and yelled the words of anger to the sun
and shed my tears with the moon
they kept my secrets, my prayers, my life story
and they kept my wishes
they told me I could have them come true
another time

Jealousy

never felt it so strongly till now
I'm envious of her
I don't understand why I feel this way
I don't understand feelings much
I typically block them out
is this normal?
why does it hurt to know that she fell for you?
I never cared before
so why now?
why does it hurt to know I might lose you?
I never cared before
why am I so jealous of someone I don't know much about.

deceiving sun

It gave false hope and hidden nightmares within its rays
It gave only lies threw the clouds and left the moon with the sad aftertaste or the truth
The trees knew the truth yet they smiled back
The birds still sang their songs even when the sun didn't sing it back
When did the world prefer a lie?
When did the moon hold so much sadness even in its most peaceful times?
When did the sun deceive the dreamer?
It was when the clouds begged for warmth,
when they couldn't handle winters truth.

I never

I never once made you happy
not once
you smile of pity and not pride
proud is something you'll never feel for me
I tried, you know
tried to be what you wanted
but trying isn't enough is it?
I never made you proud
seems to me like I'm a disappointment no matter where I go
its hard smiling all the time
hoping you'll give me a real smile back
its harder pretending everything is fine
the weight of the world cant compare to the weight of this
its heavy and cold
my heart is tired
shall it rest here for a little?
I never once wanted or asked to be this way
I never asked to hurt or to be hurt
I never asked for pain
but with love comes pain I suppose