THE BRANDS OF COWARDICE

My biological existence has belied itself: I have grown to at least one hundred and ninety-eight centimetres, and yet a curious child winks at me, unwise! I have no peace of mind, who knows how long I've had it: I've only been searching, chewing, itching, my hands in handcuffs, and now I've quietly put aside my twenty-eight years, I've carried the riches of my imagination, and I'm losing confidence every day! 

My name has faded to a scarlet stamp, my person is growing more and more timid, more and more timid. - Who can tell how long since I have been among True men who do not laugh, but accept with every nerve! Consolation can seldom be given nowadays by a mother's embrace, a mother's embrace, a mother's hand of protection and care, in a time of great terror! A bruised loser is the Word once proclaimed as bloody truth by the "great ones!" - Around my being, the uncertainty grows more and more suffocating, the unknown trumpeting of "what will be next", only one thing is certain:

The unshakeable Love of books that besieges culture! The photograph of the first profile has already been taken. A grinning face and a sure cheek guard the hesitation of my face, and the unknown identity of the unknown, it is cast upon it by the conscious unknown blindness - like a condemned man - the frivolous, trivial sins of interesting little people are registered in advance! Rightful Janus-anonymous I became-armed, as it were, with double-knitting buoy-fat, boyishly modest and incognito! On my sheets of paper with ant's diligence I strive: ant-letters are hasting and ant-letters and unknown secret-knowers of answer-words! I should bow to muscle-brained Adonises, or to gorilla-herds of frolicking gorillas, if ever there be humanity in this land: they will embrace the person of outsiders, and may my brow be unstamped, perhaps for ever, with the fearless coward's stamp!