DERAILED THOUGHT

Because the past always comes back to haunt us from many years...
I haven't forgotten my June exam, as a little college student in mortal fear of the ordeal we awaited! There I sat, eyes wide, before a firing squad of examiners: and my ton-heavy heart raged, raged like a sweating smart-ass - how could I be such a sucker as to miss the point before me? Just in front of my nose?

Behind me in Time: wars, petty rivalries, fires blaze for unbridled right ass-ladder-ranks, my wounded soul I have long since shut up! - I am not admitted by the widening world, and the lady's heart, in love's ardour, to whose romance and compliments I have unselfishly sacrificed! I knew long ago: my life was a mistake, because I wished to slip into the ivory of culture! 

Quietly, my soul is a virtuous one, even if my physique seems boyish and helpless! I understood: I had to give up happiness, that I might have an earthly star-Deity, the honest speech of wounded tears! I am Janus's charm-obsessed Janus of incurable compliments!

 - I have been as happy as I could be; I have been a piteous scapegoat, tormented for petty faults; I have been a merciful Samaritan, when in matters of the heart I have been begged for my intricate but easy advice. My soul propagates the mystery of ever-insight, as a wise Heresias! - A fairer Spring on high the gleaming barges of barques sway! - Can there yet be pure emotion among my derailed sinews?