Sudden causes

If suddenly things were to go so wrong that the oxygen supply to your calcified and diseased bones in the twilight blood tunnels stopped, what would you say to a world in a life-and-death struggle, fighting only each other, if you were to die suddenly? What would I say? - I would tell you that many things thought small and insignificant 

In my earthly affairs I have made my blunders and mistakes with tons of scarlet sins, but I have tried as best I could in my soul and backbone to learn from them all! And, whatever my creative turn of mind, I have remained the herald and half-hearted pen-turner of this fateful age!

I would admit that what the life and slap in the face of existence, condemned to mortality, intended and determined for me as a direction of decision and guidelines with a Páka-whistle, I alone committed and tolerated with obstinacy of will, only and exclusively myself, with incessant evil, or, if possible, with a cold head, considering the value-saving humility of good and noble things! 

The many innocent and unworthy accusations, which were crossly branded as spiritual wounds by those who knew better, were merely naive slanderous attacks on me by their envious and credulous consciousness!

I confess, inwardly: in the tiny beating beats of the secret pulsator I ached and ached cruelly, but it was not a state of paradisiacal grace: in the swampy world of self-pity, like a pitiful shipwrecked man, I was immersed in the hardships of everyday life!

In self-pity, the self-doubt of the believer in self-pity grumbled, and with scalpel-sharp critical judgment, sat in constant law over me, and shame and humiliated wound-stains were sown in the honest conscience of my fragile soul, to save the petty self, and because I showed myself unable to defend myself!