FINDING A HOME

,,“Don’t go to my son in the uncertain and big world because you can barely know his threat yet! ” – said many times as a heartfelt and anxious heartfelt care my only mother! I was the curious crumb of his little child, being an unequivocal explorer, and with all-encompassing questioning ants, I longed to get to know the buzzing world that affected my personality, defining my existence!

Since then, in the memory debris of my twenty-six years, I have been constantly looking for a problem with increasingly obsessed stubborn conceit! To understand, to explain to myself the determination of half-hearted determination the possible connections that can illuminate the answers before me with their essential meaning! It never occurred to me – in a single, defining moment and never - that I would ever have to deal with meaningless blade-negative criticism campaigns, and all I wanted to create in the lines of thought of my pensive intellect: I have to testify to war s 

to fight the selfish judgments of my individual laws with the pounding ominousness of fierce battles: With the armies of the world! I was already against all the threatening slap trials of existence in billions of forms: A prisoner who is pondering himself in the prison of self-pity and lack of self-confidence. He tries to decipher the futility of his life as a mystery, a strange messenger: Who could have expected with a legitimate humanity – quite calmly with my gradual patience that 

is confessed before him why he also became an outsider in the companies of community spirits? I was the man who swallowed everything with gnashing of teeth, who was tainted in honor with blasphemous word battles that did not tolerate printing ink, and as a scarlet stamp he remained forever to blame for everything in vain, unnecessary, and his unjust scapegoat badge: That we can deal with it boldly and go to moor with it, because he never does anything anyway! – With a sacrificial clown smile in my picture, I tried to laugh at the painful trials of life with strength!

I have mourned myself quite a few times that I cannot defend myself against the storm sieges of mischievous evil, and now, as a hiding refugee, I confess my creed in words, and the broken and squeezed sighs of my individual honorable truth – from which I have never let go so far!

Perhaps in the end of the liberating forgiveness of peace, I did not let go of my humanity, as to the end Man tried to stay – you finally calmed down and found a home!