WHO CAN WANT GOOD?!

Why are you still hoping?! Do you think that someone who can easily see that you have collapsed, like a house of cards collapsing quickly and easily, will find out something important about you? That you're in big trouble because the doctor said it's okay to live for another fifty-nine years?! Did he want to know anything with the intention of helping you in a sincere, unselfish way, or was it just to please him, that he could play cheap, murderous games?

Or is it just the indirect feeling of "well, it's you again" and "what if" that flashes through your mind, like the brainwashed consciousness of a burnt-out neon sign, as it deliberately bites and kicks you, when you yourself are already writhing in a fetal position in the muddy ground. In retrospect, you scrutinize your mirror in the curved mirror, which you can feel and know - for people - tells the truth, and whether you can be sure that you have always been yourself, or are just a pale shadowy shadow of a happier era gone by?

Long since thou hast rather closed thyself to all, and like a prison-locked nutshell only the few special, the exceptional, thou dost let nearer to thee as thou dost! Instead of running away, keeping secrets, being eccentric, you should rather open up even in this wild wild world, and even though your naive, childish heart is broken into a million pieces, you must find someone who will listen to you, lift you out of the hell of everyday life and comfort you!