Tears

I'm so disappointed in myself not being able to see the most of what I am but I know its there its just so far away and I feel so weak I'm not even halfway there. I fall on my knees, and my back bounces up and down with tears running along my cheeks not caring how much it's breaking me.  It feels like I can't breathe...

Alone

 I want to be here but just alone. Away from people away from judgement away from any communication. You ask me how I feel and I say fine when really i am breaking inside. I can't smile in the happiest of moments because I know it won't last forever and it will just go away tearing me apart taking it away from the people I love. I don't keep expectations. I only have hope that things will get better but I know they most likely will not. I cry without knowing and I can't look at myself in the mirror for too long because I know my brain will think of monsters I will see starring right back at me. 

Dad

Dad please come back... You left and you havent said anything... I want you I need you... What cant you understand...I cry every night and you can't see it because I put up these walls. Afraid if I drop it, That I will fall. I will disappear into nothing at all then I'll run and try to hide because I can't face the world like other people can. I'm afraid of what others will think of me and what they will do. I have no motivation and no hope for our future. Dad.. Please come back... you left me here with fate to decide my love for you

What if she knew

What if she knew how much I truely love her. What if she understood why. What if....what if she loved me back?... but I know thats a lie. She shoved me under her bed, forgetting about m and wasting me. why do I love her? Because she can let go of things so so easily... and her laugh.. how she walks, talks.. everyhthing just screams; What if she knew I love her?

free

The river rors next to the boat with no captin.

The oceans waves fly free with the wind

My dreams come and go- why can't they stay?

With as much depth and freedom as rivers and waters.

I wish

I wish everyone could just understand.

I wish I could fly away to a different land.

I wish I could close my eyes and dream of a way out.

I wish I would stop wishing for things that will never come true.

Dont you?