Melancholy

I really can't explain how I'm feeling.
Or rather the fact that I'm not feeling.
I'm in a place where nothing I do is fulfilling,
And everything just sounds so unappealing

I feel like I'm lost in the abyss of nothingness
Falling and sinking deeper into a state of numbness
I feel like I'm being sucked into a vacuum of blackness.
Surrounded by despair, enveloped in sadness. 

Self examination tells me I'm okay.
I can't find any reason why I should feel this way.
Coz one moment I was as bright as the day,
And the next, the sun just seemed so faraway.

I'm freaked out, scared, terrified.
Or I would be, but I feel only sadness inside.
Coz in this state, its so easy to dream of suicide. 
Deep down where depression resides.

TheJedi.

No answers

     
    … They hear less and less! I lie beneath cell depths and like a crusty Pearl of Truth — shards of glass of unspoken Truths tremble in my heart; Doubt also hurts my face, smiles and grimaces! And treading jerks love to tread on my operated leg! My pouring vulnerability freezes in myself, which I still have no experience with, and I can hardly tolerate the fact that the wretched Being loves to rotate the rusty knives that have been cut in me!
     
    For he who is stuck in his own way and lacks in fear, because he knows what to do, sins against himself; half-nailed praying eyes also look at the Savior's smiles like the gifted candy-eating snacks of a child! "The petals of my knocking, weak heart may still open for Someone, and I don't have to hide it intentionally if I don't want to escape the incisors of young chicks!"
   &...

Shades of joy

The right place ,
will never destroy your peace,
Unfold your Wings,
No matter it's broken,
You can still fly with feather of faith. 
Darkness never stay longer,
You will find light in your wounded as lessons,
Enjoy your shades of joy,
They gifting us new way to live.

Miracle

He was a miracle 
Even though the odds, were cynical
What a tremendous miracle 
Star revelation, 
crossing boundaries of cynical
Beautiful outstanding, and, 
courageous miracle,
breathing, and alive,
never be cynical,
just believe in a miracle,
because breath is never cynical,
when a heart wants to beat,
for a miracle, my son you were,
never born for cynical, 
only a great miracle, 
years of life, prove never be cynical 
optimism aids ony a miracle.

© 2020  Carol Natasha Diviney

Devoted to a special son, who was only meant to have lived, for one hour or less, or be born not alive. He was born not alive, ventilated for three weeks, then started to breathe, once the machine was switched off. Breathing, and alive for the last 26yrs. ❤
Although he has been throug...

Bumblebee

Bumblebee
Ancient druids could see
Sun, Goddess, celebration, and
part of community 
Drinking mead, 
fermented honey,
bumblebee,
buzzing distinctively 
Personal power, and 
brightness, proceed to be
Never failing to be
Part of community 

© 2020  Carol Natasha Diviney

Fairground

Around the carousel,
horses carrying the Belle
The smell of candyfloss,
what a spell,
melting in mouths,
teeth covered,
don't tell
Crunch crunch,
toffee apple as well
Broken tooth
what the hell, 
seeing the dentist 
Time will tell
Roll Big Wheel,
carry the Belle
Help me,
going to be sick as well,
no chance let's just fly,
please look up see the sky
Feet on the ground,
certainly time to say goodbye
Coming back next year,
no stopping me, just try.

© 2020  Carol Natasha Diviney

Anxiety

     
    For a lifetime, I have deliberately fled from you, the ruthless carrier of my cowardice: Vulnerable fear! You have haunted me every day with the intention and orphan tears of end of the world to surely win your victorious battles against me; lately, I have managed to hide from you many times, and you, as a hard-working killer-hand, have always been away - and you have found it!
     
    You stabbed your willful spikes in my heart forever and prepared to be an innocent victim in the jungle of revenge!
     
    I already know you well! And yet I did not collapse: your confusing campaign with the uncertain Future could not succeed! Disgust s
     
    Indifference competes with each other if I just feel it and I want to get out of you by all means! I would cry with a voice and sob...

Sound on the phone

     
    Uncertain waters, embezzled prospects besiege my heart attack! It has never happened that even once the Spirit is troubled by a troubled, guarding petal, a soul-destroying or in love gondola-ladik!
     
    Once upon a time, invisible resonant yarns were tied together with my imaginary soulmate; and now a murderous, otherworldly Silence is barely audible.
     
    Deafened with foolish intent In time, who might have a sweet-soaring voice for the first time that can reach me?!
     
    Because I would listen with absolute happiness if my dear Angel could voluntarily still trust me and reveal the donuts of the hell-lesson of my wasted childhood before him! I want to instill the sincere truth of true pearls on the forgiving petals of your heart so that our borrowed friendship can...

Ladybird

Ladybird 
No not a bird
Smaller, but not absurd
Definitely the insect world,
or is this a woman,
from Romeo, and Juliet world
None the less,
a deserving Ladybird, 
presently, and historically heard.

© 2020  Carol Natasha Diviney

The Lake

Across the lake,
she saw her reflection
Rippling no perfection,
mudded waters,
promoted rejection 
Up stream
Calm, and clean,
waters displayed a
magnificent scene,
beautiful reflection
exquisiteness,
without selection
Captivating no rejection 
Clear waters full beam 
True self now seen

© 2020  Carol Natasha Diviney